I get some questions about what want this person? may it be a relationship? where does this go? How should I interpret his or her signals? We are so different , coming from different places, cultures etc. . I have recently used a different model for thinking about relationships. It may seem a little unusual but we see and often write that if change is to be and that it must begin with me. Then the world will become a better place. This should be a natural thing but it really is not , our fears often reflects us in all of our questions about the relationship.
I myself believe that we are different precisely because it is very enriching , who wants to meet ourself? Unfortunately , we also want to put us in different relational models, for it gives us a kind of security. I try not to use any of the old labels for myself because none of them really make sense to me. Everyone seems too narrow and restrictive. This helps me to see from a different perspective and that I explore a more subjective reality . Of course it may still make sense to classify relationships with your colleagues and was our love relationship is based on how you relate to them , but at the actual label on the relationship is not the real issue here.
The bigger issue is how I relate to them. Obviously there is a broader and more significant relationship here than my individual relationships with others. These relationships are still important, but focusing on them too much seems limiting. Instead of putting so much attention on my individual relationships , so I devote more attention to my relationship with life itself. As I just now think of is the sum total of my relationships with all the people in my life as if they are a relationship with a single device. I hope there will be at least some sense to you what I mean. From this perspective, my relationship needs met by someone. They need not met by a certain person , that is.
For example , if I feel a longing for a stimulating conversation , I can have that experience with a close friend or I can have it with someone I met recently. Instead of requiring any special relationship to fulfill this desire , so I simply allow life itself to fulfill it without thinking about where it comes from . The same goes for my desire to give to others. I do not need to worry about how much or how little I give to any one person. I just focus on giving to life itself. And again, it does not matter if I give to a close friend or a total stranger . It is the act of giving that satisfies me .
This mindset has really changed the way I relate to people . I feel very relaxed when it comes to my relationship with any person. When I'm with someone , I feel much more present because I do not need anything from them . I do not need the special relationship to satisfy my needs, because I might as well have these needs met by someone else.
This has also made me very curious about each relationship is and how it relates to the whole. Instead of trying to lead someone or let myself be guided by them , I see the relationship as a floating dance where nobody leads. I rather have no expectations of how things will go in advance, which is that I will not be disappointed if it leads nowhere. I've found that since I started doing this, my relationships been raised to a level of richness and complexity that I have never experienced before. I do not mean complexity in terms of these relationships to be too complicated, but rather the complexity of the sentence to enjoy delicious creations like a good dinner or maybe taste like a really good wine and experience all its nuances , if you know what I mean.
I'm trying to stop spending time with the "wrong" people, life itself is too short , but then I also dare to drop , do not put a label on the relationship beforehand and also dare to say , I like you / love you. We need to stop being someone else and then the right people enter into our lives .
I am basically surrounded by people , so there's no reason to lock your gaze on specific individuals and demand or expect that they are the main distributor of my needs or the primary recipient of giving me something, or that it will be a partner. Would not it be better to simply let life itself meet my needs through which channels it is considered to be the best? Life is actually pretty good at this , if I at least give it a chance to prove it.
